Friday, December 18, 2009

The sweet nectar of freedom

I’m so used to having a lot of ppl around me. So going thru my life ‘alone’ – 8 hrs a day alone in my bed, having a trying time convincing myself that I am complete, thinking about girls, girls and girls, waiting in anticipation to find out if I’m going to get lucky tomorrow..err I mean if tomorrow is going to be any better, I’d say I loved having something in my life..yeah I call them something.

Talk about ‘complete’.., am I any less than those guys who have their significant other by their side..? I don’t know!, but you figure this out – I don’t have to think of the ‘right’ place to eat, the right thing/color to wear, the right time to go home, the right place to fact I don’t have to be right at all, or even proper - not to anybody..(I know..i sound like a sore loser) but the real truth is, I’m just plain bad at being ‘complete’. I dont remember birthdays, I don’t care about Feb 14, and I hate those rules and conditions. I really don’t understand about rules and conditions and I don’t want to understand them. They are just some of the irritating things expected of you, when somebody think you belong to them, yes it is annoying. So for 2006 and years and years to come, I don’t want to belong to anybody and I don’t want anybody to think that I belong to them…and yes I don’t want anybody to belong to me either. I hate the prospects, really. I belong to me, now and forever (hey..isn’t there a ‘leleh’ song about now and forever.?)

Actually I don’t have a choice, this is the only way for me to go now. I have this amazing ability to destroy the things I love and I don’t want to do that anymore…no mas, enough is really enough. I’v lost too many..

But I’m still a hunter tho’, with only one arrow left, I don’t want to shoot that last arrow with careless aim , so for now I’m quite happy being the way I am, a ‘vegetarian’…. (dasar lazy hunter.. LOL!). So much for 2006 resolution.

I will leave love alone, and those anniversaries cakes, and the lover’s quarrel, the making up…arggh!!

Some may say I chose the easy way out…but let them lah. It is just a choice, life is a choice, I could stick it in, be a monster and bleed to death or I can leave, be myself and live my own life. And I chose - live my own life. I don’t want ppl to tell me what I can do and what I cannot do, simply becos I know what I want to do and where I want to be..

Like I said, I’m of different grains, and sometimes (most of the times I think..), I just could not fit in. I’v been there and I knowI’m so done now.

Cya…and remember the world in here is according to me.

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